How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 minutes

How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.

Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?

Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”

If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.

At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.

It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.

When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.

Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.

Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.

How To Choose Best Friends

How to Choose a Best Friend Confessor

 

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Friendships are based on honesty and trust, but how do you know who you can really trust? There is always that one special friend that you would trust your life with, or more importantly, your deepest, darkest secrets.

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A best friend will stand by you no matter what decision you make. A best friend will never judge you.

You love who they love and they love who you love. You are always on the side of your best friend. You love them, protect them, and make them laugh when they are crying. You forgive, you love, and you encourage.

You know this is your best friend because he or she has never let you down, never told your secrets and has been that someone you could talk to without judgement or eye rolls. The best friend knows more about you than anyone else in the world. You trust them, and they have the same trust in you. 

 Your best friend accepts you for who you are, all your craziness, the drunken 'my life is over' phone call in the middle of the night and all the other nonsense you both put up with for each other.

You laugh together, cry together and spend the biggest days of your lives together, like the birth of your first grand child, or the wedding of your son. You are more than a friend. You are a best friend.

Your friendship is deep, such as that of a soul mate.

Your best friend helps you through grief, or camps out in your hospital room when you're sick. It's your best friend who will talk to you for hours when you're feeling alone. Your best friend loves you to the end, even on the days you are acting like the jerk you can be sometimes.

You are truly blessed if you have one Best Friend.

How to Diplomatically Resign From Your Job

Resigning with Class: How to Diplomatically Resign From Your Job

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by Randall S. Hansen, Ph.D.

Are you preparing to resign from your current job? Some job-seekers have a hard time doing so, either because they love the job and their co-workers or because they can't stand the job and can't wait to leave. Curious? Then read on. This article is really two articles in one. The first part discusses the strategies behind making a graceful departure from your employer and the second part shows you how to write a letter of resignation.

Strategies for Resigning with Class 

The most important job-search rule to remember when resigning from any job is that you never want to leave on bad terms -- if possible. Courtesy, etiquette, and professionalism go a long way. So, as much as you may want to tell off your boss or a co-worker, you should never burn any bridges. And don't spend time bragging to co-workers about your great new opportunity. Job-hunting is a funny process, and you never know when you'll run smack right into your former supervisor, a former co-worker, or a former employer through a merger or other circumstance.

So, once you are ready to announce your resignation, how can you make as smooth a transition from your current employer to your new one? You'll again want to act professionally -- and follow company guidelines. Specifically, you need to consider:

• Timing. Give enough notice. The standard notice has traditionally been two to four weeks, but you should consult your employee handbook in case your employer expects more (or less) advance warning.
• Negotiating. Be sure to get a fair settlement for any outstanding salary, vacation (and sick and personal) days, and commission payments or other compensation due to you.
• Hiring. Offer to help your current employer find your replacement.
• Training. Volunteer to train or work with your replacement to show him or her "the ropes."
• Working. Don't disappear during the last weeks on the job. Stay an active member of the team. Avoid taking a short-timer's attitude or aligning yourself with any discontented co-workers.
• Completing. Be sure to do your best to complete all open assignments and leave detailed progress reports for your supervisor and co-workers.
• Leaving. Before walking out the door for the last time, be sure you have contact information for key supervisors and co-workers that you want to keep part of your network of contacts -- and be sure to thank them again for their support.

 Here are some other issues you need to be prepared for once you announce your resignation:

• Escorted out of the building. In some industries and with some professions (such as sales), once an employee resigns, the employer asks the person to leave on the spot. Be prepared for this scenario by clearing personal files and removing personal software from your computer, removing personal information and belongings, and getting your workspace organized.
• Guilt from co-workers or your boss. It's only natural, especially if you are leaving an unpleasant work environment, that your co-workers may be a bit envious and try to make you feel a little guilty. And no matter how great your boss may be, s/he may also make you feel a little guilty for "deserting" the team. Try not to let these things bother you; instead, concentrate on making the final weeks/days pleasant and professional.
• A counter-offer to entice you to stay. Be very wary of counteroffers. No matter how good it makes your ego feel to have your current employer respond with a counteroffer, most career experts advise against taking it because studies show that the vast majority of employees who accept counteroffers from current employers aren't in those jobs for very long. Whether the employer admits it or not, your dedication will be questioned, and once that happens, your time on the job is limited. It's better to tactfully decline the offer and focus on your new job with your new employer.
• An exit interview. Some employers like to have all departing employees meet with someone from the human resources department for an exit interview. Be careful -- but be professional. Some employers want to know the "real" reason you are leaving. Again, remember not to burn any bridges by saying anything negative or petty.

Writing a Professional Resignation Letter 

What should you do once you've made the decision to take a job with another employer? You should take the time to write a letter of resignation to your current employer. It's best to have written documentation of your resignation and planned last day of work.

The most important thing to remember when writing your letter of resignation is to be professional -- there is just no sense in making enemies. Regardless of whether you loved or hated your job or your employer, the outcome should be the same: a short, polite, and professional letter stating your intention to leave.

People leave their jobs for all sorts of reasons, and you certainly do not need to provide any details on why you are leaving the company. Resignation letters are a courtesy to your employer, so you simply need to state that you are leaving your current position to pursue other opportunities.

As you are composing your letter, please again remember that your job history follows you around, and that frequently the world is much smaller than we think. You never ever want to leave on bad terms with any employer -- mainly because doing so could come back to haunt you later in your career.

When should you submit your letter of resignation? And to whom? You should submit your resignation two or more weeks before your planned resignation date (depending on company/profession policy). And you should submit the letter/memo to your direct supervisor, with a copy to your human resources office.

What exactly should you say in your letter of resignation? Here's a basic outline:

First Paragraph: State your intention of quitting your job and leaving the company. Give a specific last day of work.

Second paragraph: If you feel comfortable, give a reason why you are leaving -- relocating, better job, career change, graduate school, etc. Or, reinforce your value by mentioning your key accomplishments with the employer (though doing so may trigger a counter offer).

Third Paragraph: Thank both your supervisor and the company for the opportunities you had working for them. Be sure to end the letter on a positive note.

Here are some sample resignation letters.

One final note: Assuming you leave on a positive note with your supervisor and co-workers, once you have settled into your new job, remember to contact your former supervisor and co-workers and give them your updated contact information so that you can continue to keep them as a part of your job search network (because you never know when you'll be job-hunting again).

To Be A Good Leader

Archive for Leadership - To Be A Good Leader

Thinking Out of The Box

Here is an interesting one – how do you think out of the box? More importantly, how do managers and business owners get their people to think out of the box?

Whether you are in marketing, sales, or operations; the ability to think out of the box is very important, right? Wrong.

Our entire education has been geared towards putting us INTO a box. We are taught the Laws of Physics, we are taught the Rules of Grammer and we are taught there is only one right answer – the one that scores the marks during an examination.

When you first start working, you are taught to toe the line, that your boss is always right; my way or the highway…

Suddenly, you are asked to think out of the box. Sure, you can do it, just tell me… which box?

That is the irony of it all. Bosses want employees who can toe the line, be team players, not rock the boat; then, when the going gets tough, you suddenly want these self-same people to think out of the box?

“Yes, Sir! Certainly Sir! What box might that be sir!?”

Creativity, initiative and so on is not a one-time exercise. It has to be part of the work culture, part of the value system. Nurture is important.

If you want your people to think out of the box, the easiest way to achieve this is as follows:

Don’t create the box in the first place.

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Leadership by Consensus?

December 18, 2008 at 5:43 am · Filed under Leadership - To Be A Good Leader

Here is an interesting one for all leaders and followers to consider – is there such a thing as leadership by consensus?

I mean, if you had consensus, do you need a leader? Or look at it another way, do you call a person a leader if he needs the ratification of others?

Think about this. You select some one as your leader. He is going to be your guiding light and bring you across the desert. You celebrate your new leader. Then the party is over and the journey begins. What happens? If this were a democracy, then the leader proposes a direction, say, north, and everyone votes on it. If it were Moses, he just ups and moves on and everyone follows.

One is a leader, the other is a coordinator.

Do you own a car that is red on the front and polka dotted pink behind? You would if you allowed your 3 year old girl to decide on half the colors. If you did not paint the back polka dotted pink, she will be unhappy. At some point, a leader has to take responsibility for his decisions. If some says, the color of your car is ugly, do you then say “Oh, my wife chose it…”?

That statement in itself could be a truth. Yes, the wife chose it, but you made the decision to go with it. The true leader will say “Oh, my wife chose it, and I agreed. You don’t like it?”.

Everyone will have their own opinions. A good leader understands and accepts that. To insist that everyone shares exactly the same opinion and everyone to have the same decision, is not true leadership. We are humans, not robots. Even if you do not agree with the leader, you still follow, believing that he can lead you where you need to go. If you no longer believe that, you leave. Or, you try to change the leader. There are many possible dynamics, but we are not going to discuss them here.

What we want to put down clearly is this – leadership by consensus is BS. OK, let me spell that out – b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t. OK, that should get me censored somewhere, I guess. But then, let’s call a spade a spade. Either you are a leader, or you are not.